Looking Back

One of the very first things I did in 2014 was a run.  I was training for back to back half marathons, so before heading to a yearly party, I did a nice run around Thompson Park.  I wanted to end this year the same way.  Today my speed was slower and the distance was only a mile and a half. But the intention was the same.  I went out in the crisp cold air, to a local park, and took a stroll with a friend. (And yes, I am totally medically cleared to snail pace it for a few miles). 

This time last year, I was on winter break from grad school.  I was preparing for an epic 10 day, two coast, two half marathon trip with 5 of the best friends I've ever had.  We flew to Orlando, did a half, volunteered at a full, and then flew to Los Angeles and did another half.  It was crazy fun, emphasis perhaps on the crazy.

Once back home, I was focused on finding a new internship, finishing my yearlong project, and getting the most out of my last semester in grad school. I never could have imagined what 2014 had in store for me.  I knew about some things, but only the vague outlines. I hoped, of course, that I would get good grades, learn a lot, and graduate.  I did. I am happy every single day that I went to Monmouth University for my Masters in Social Work.  My education was a privilege, and I loved every second of it - even the ones in the library writing papers late into the night. I hoped I would be able to work where I interned, and I was hired there.  I prayed to pass my LSW exam, and I did.  I worked on my application to become a licensed social worker, and that goal was met, too.  

I knew I would travel to London, even though it seemed so far away, but I didn't know that my first solo trip in years would prove to be so wonderful.  I am so proud of myself for taking that trip.  I knew I would spend time with family and friends, see my daughter learn to surf, and take a little trip with my family, but of course you can never know the joy of those things beforehand.

I had no idea that I would come to work where I am now, but I feel like that was another gift 2014 gave me.  My health was a priority for me this year, and without that goal setting I never would have made those doctor appointments, been delighted with their outcome, and gone to get that mammogram.  

I'm glad I got that mammogram.

Please don't misunderstand me.  Cancer is NOT a gift.  Nor is it "like a blessing in disguise", as one person said to me.  I very nicely replied, "It's not at all like a blessing".  If you want to frame your illness that way, I respect that, but that is not how I frame mine.

I'm not glad I got cancer. I am happy that I made myself and my health a priority and that I made the subsequent healthcare choices that I did. I took care of myself, so that I could do the work I am meant to do.  I spent two years working towards a degree, and probably at least two before that talking myself into applying to school. It was a lot of sacrifice, for my entire family, and it was not easy. When I first got diagnosed, I was so pissed because I had worked so hard to be where I was and it felt like I was being derailed.

But my whole life was set up with such a support network -  family, friends, work - that I stopped thinking that pretty fast.  I could go to work and make a difference, even if it was just to my coworkers.  I'm not sure I could have continued to work and feel useful without the meaning behind the work I do.  Doing what you love matters. (If you are feeling generous, and want to donate to the non-profit agency I work for, I will link to them at the end of the post). 

I could spend all day listing all the good things about this year - or just the last few months. My kid made high honor roll.  I got to see my cousins for Thanksgiving.  We didn't have to think about food or even house cleaning once I came home from the hospital.  I can confidently say that we got through the last three weeks since my surgery on goodwill and caring. The love and support from my family and friends is priceless.

When I think about 2014 as a whole, I see all those good things and more. I see laughter in tense moments, help showing up when it was needed, someone saying "I got you" and meaning it.  I see kindness and love and fun.  I see the bad things, too - it's not always a good moment, day, week, month -  but the good stuff just outshines them. So I am not glad this year is over - I am glad I got to live it.

Happy New Year, and a huge thank you for being one of the good things in my 2014.

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