As Seen on TV

To be honest, I don't remember what kind of kid I was. But I know what kind of adult I am. I'm engaged. Sometimes I see a flash of it in my daughter, in her inability to stop speaking, the way she always, always raises her hand and must contribute to every conversation. If you ever sat in a class or meeting with me, you know that's an accurate description of my behavior. When I have literally nothing to say, my husband checks my head for a fever.  

This engagement helps with cancer appointments.  Up until October 28, 2014, I was incredibly healthy.  There is really nothing wrong with me but this tiny bit of cancer that is radically altering my life. So I have never had all those tests and procedures that you hear about and see sometimes in television dramas.  And I have to say, they are really neat.

Do you know how an EKG works? They put these little disposable stickers on you, attach leads to them, and bam! Done. Results printed out.  How amazing is that?  Tomorrow, I will have radioactive dye injected into me and the doctor will be able tell which lymph node is most affected by my tumor. A day after that they will give me a drug that helps me relax and forget the scary ride to the operating room. Now tell me science isn't cool.

I find myself writing comments on the many, many forms I fill out. Every time a hospital asks me about my mental state, if I feel emotionally and physically safe, or any other social health history questions, I get kind of excited.  There is my profession at work! Woo!  The other day I wrote "good questions!" in the margin. Someone designed that form, someone else fought for the inclusion of those questions, and I just hope they know how excellent that was.  


There is a part of me that is like, I can't believe this is happening to me, especially when every nurse, registrar, and tech remarks on how young and otherwise healthy I am. But the other part of me is like Oh my goodness this is so cool! Look at that machine! Hmm, what happens next? I take selfies in the many, many different gowns I don for the many, many procedures.  I text my girlfriends from the waiting rooms. I find myself with a collection of those hospital bracelets. I considered making a fairy chain out of them they way I do with the paper napkin ties at restaurants.

Then I decided not to.  Some things you don't need to remember.