The Bird

There is a belief, among many cultures and religions, that birds function as some sort of messengers between God and people.  You can find this in all kinds of religious writing and scripture.  Some believe they are sent from God, others from saints, still others from souls who have passed on. About a year after my mom died, I read a book about a woman grieving her father's death.  The author kept seeing birds after his death, so many that they could not be dismissed as mere coincidence.

Now, I am not saying I believe this.  I believe this author believes it, and I believe it has meaning for many people. But it was an interesting concept, and it kept showing up in my life. I started to joke about this, along the lines of hey Mom, why don't you show up as a bird? One day I was standing in Forever 21, waiting for three teenage girls to finish their shopping.  If you have not experienced that before, let me tell you that it is a particular level of hell.  On this day, I was kind of complaining in my head - I'm not sure why - about my mother's lack of birds.  Now, my mom was not a bird person.  She was not a nature person.  She was never, ever going to show up as a robin or a blue jay. Still, I was whining.  I had recently arranged to give away my grandmother's furniture, to a dear friend of mine.  While it seemed like the absolute best decision, I was still gutted about parting with it.  I felt like I was giving up my mom and my grandma.  Irrational, but there you go.  I needed a sign that I was doing the right thing. In the midst of this rumination, waiting at the cash register of Forever 21, I looked down, and I saw a set of bird salt and pepper shakers.

Forever 21 is not the sort of store that carries salt and pepper shakers.  I had never seen them before, and I have not seen them since. But there they were. Shaped like birds, with the words "share the love" on the box.  My mother was not a nature person, but she was a salt and pepper shaker person.  She had a huge collection of salt and pepper shakers. She started collecting them on her honeymoon and she never stopped.  When she died, I gave some to our family and friends.  If my mother was going to send me a sign, it would most certainly be in the form of a salt and pepper shaker.  I could just hear her voice saying Stop being such an ingrate! Here's your bird!

The next day, my friend Amy, who was doing a relay for cancer, asked if she could light a luminary in honor of my mother. I readily agreed, and she asked for a quote to put on the luminary, below my mom's name.  I wasn't sure what to give her, so I looked up the words to my mom's favorite song.  Although I have heard this song my entire life, and can sing all the words to it, I did not remember what the proper title of it was.  It's by The Beatles and it's called Norwegian Wood (This Bird Has Flown).  I almost fell over.

There were my birds.

After my biopsy, Nick and I went to CVS to get more ice packs for my bra. That's a fun side note - you walk out of the biopsy with an ice pack in your bra.  I needed one more, and some extra strength Tylenol, because you do not walk out of there with narcotics.  Just an ice pack, and a sheet of instructions, none of which are helpful. Drugs would be way more helpful.

I also wanted to go to AC Moore, because nothing says “it’s going to be alright” like doing a craft with your kid. After we walked in and started to look around, I noticed a woman.  She looked like my mom.  Same hair, similar face.  Like a heavier version of my mom, like my mom with weight on her.  I don't see a lot of women in this area who look like my mom - we have kind of an unique genetic makeup for this part of the country.  No one ever told my mother she looked like anyone else, with the exception of Meryl Streep. She got that quite a bit.  

So I was kind of staring, and nudging Nick, and willing him to agree with me that this lady looked like my mom and maybe this was a sign! A good sign, like even if I was about to find out I had cancer, I wasn't all alone. My mom was showing up, birds be damned.

So after maybe three times of "doesn't she look like my mom" Nick turned to me and said, "Maybe we should ask her if she's a bird".

Did I mention the funny spouse thing?